Ass Kickin’ Good

Photos and Story by Matthew Hummel

Suddenly out of nowhere, Handsome Jack pulls out a container of thumbtacks and dumps them out over the wrestling ring floor. Meanwhile, his opponent The Big Ugly is helplessly laying facedown beside the fallen tacks. He has just had a ceramic pot shattered on his head by a 2 by 4 wound with barbed wire.

The crowd is frantic with suspense as it anticipates the next ruthless maneuver by Handsome Jack. As The Big Ugly slowly makes it back to his feet, Handsome Jack grabs a hold of him and lunges the ugly one into the ropes. But in a manner destined for the greatness of Ripley’s Believe It or Not, The Big Ugly springs back as he regains full strength and power drives into Handsome Jack, who appears caught off guard by his opponent’s sudden resurgence.

Now the tables have turned and Handsome Jack finds himself on the shoulders of Big Ugly. Once again the crowd’s screams range from loud to louder. The Big Ugly body slams Handsome Jack onto the shining sea of tacks and the crowd goes wild. Still, as though he was coated in steel armor, Handsome Jack jumps to his feet looking like a human corkboard and, as he rips off his shirt, tiny tacks go flying everywhere. The crowd gasps from the sight of Handsome Jack’s bleeding back.

Where does this ruckus take place? RPW Wrestling and Supreme Pro Wrestling hold these events about once a month at the Colonial Theater on Stockton Boulevard. Originally, this mayhem all started when a group of friends got together and built a homemade wrestling ring at a house in Lodi. They called the events The Backyard and constructed the ring the old fashioned way—out of old mattresses, railroad ties and ropes. It’s here they trained and held matches until eventually they pulled together enough money to make a down payment on a professional-style wrestling ring. They eventually gained more attention from other wrestlers and enthusiasts and have been packing in the crowds at the Colonial Theater since March of 2000.

So if you want to show these guys and girls your support and witness the glory of underground wrestling, or if you are a junkie for senseless but entertaining acts of brutality, call the Colonial Theater at 454-1944 for more information.